So today is Father's Day, huh? I bet it's not as exciting as that of Mother's Day. But certainly, there are fathers worth celebrating.
In the transitions of life, boys turn to teenagers, young adults, men and the elderly. A description of such a process is almost immaterial because this happens to all sexes. Yet strikingly, a significant difference arise when emotional, psychological, economic, cultural and social determinants create a complex unique man. Try to compare men and you'll be failing at your generalizations and you sure will be committing an intellectual blunder.
In several cultures men are expected to be rigid, emotionless and if they shed a tear, they lose their significance as men.
Now let me turn my attention to the core of my argument: Why I hate my father but love my dad. The term "father" is a biological term of a man who caused the impregnation of a woman and viola! a child becomes the result or reward. For the sake of my argument, I'll not include men who adopt. Based on this assumption, I can say every fertile man can be a father.
Each one of the over 7 billion of us has a father because our mere existence was necessitated by their release of an energy that brings life. We had nothing to do to either allow or disallow this natural process. We were planted into a family and we see a mother and a father. We develop unique relationships with them.
Before I was 16 and as far as I remember, I had a great dad. But when I turned 17 onwards, the whole story changed. It was revolt, hostility, fear, lack of trust and confidence. My dad suddenly became my father.
In traditional Ghanaian homes, the father is the authority, the law, the sole decision-maker. All he says is final. Society and culture imposed this role on Ghanaian fathers. It is an unwritten rule in all traditional homes.
The father is the authority figure. How dare you challenge him. He knows and decides what's best for you. Practically, he drives your destiny. There is little or no room for negotiation.
My dad had a taxi which was more or less the single cash cow for the family. I remember the times when he picked me from school and could give me a ride around town. He unlocked the key to my imaginations as a kid. As he drove he told of the world around us. Because of him, I developed love for Geography and no wonder I was the only Geography student to make a distinction in my final year in my high school. He told me about submarines, ships, space expeditions and so on. He did it so well I understood what could have been a difficult subject for my age. I never forget his bedtime stories: Cinderella, Snow White, Alibaba and the Forty Thieves and his favorite Ga (language) story "Adotey Shilling Kome" - a story of a boy called Adotey who was sold for one shilling. His story-telling skill was amazing and all those fascinating stories ushered me into dreamland for many a days.
I was very proud of my dad because in the neighborhood, everyone acknowledged that he was a strong man no one would attempt to fight. He loved animals and he has managed to pass that value to me. He had a little garden in which he planted vegetables. No wonder I love plants. I remember he brought home a tortoise that walked in that little garden till it got missing on day.
My father was unreasonable to my growing needs as an adolescent and a young adult. I was gaining my self-awareness so fast and he was blind to that. I was forming my own identity and he cared less. All he cared about was that his will be done. He hardly considered my will and this generated into hostility. Coupled with what I now view as a midlife crisis that my father faced, our relationship started eroding. He could demand: "Take the gallons and put them into the car." I would respectfully respond: "Daa, I have to go for
Curious Minds meeting." And indeed I go and he feels disrespected. What I did not understand was why he could be home with me all day and immediately I tell him that I was going somewhere, he would quickly find me work to do.
My dad was sweet but my father was uncompromising.
The term "dad" or "daddy" is an emotional term. It connects a child to his father in such an inspiring and unyielding way. Many fathers begin to lose the 'daddy" title when their children reach a stage where they - the children - look them in the eyes and say "no". It's just like when we admire those cute puppies and hold them and caress and kiss them and when they become less portable and begin to follow their natural instincts, then we begin to scold them and say "bad dog."
A dad I believe should be the emotional pillar that supports the family. Emotional needs, I have grown to believe, are the most important needs of mankind. So even when there is no money, there can be happiness. A great dad is one that fills the minds and hearts of the family even when he's away. He is interested in every single problem that each member of the family faces. He is supposed to use the power and "emotional strength" that society has somewhat imposed on him to offer sound emotional guidance for wife and children. If he perfectly understands that changes in the child is natural and necessary, he is able to learn above that and provide assistance for the child's proper development without eroding the relationship that exist when the child was little.
I realized that because of the unfavorable economic circumstances that my father faced, he translated that into anger and frustration. Instead of providing hope for me and my siblings, he'd rather give "reasons" which I have come to understand as "excuses of failure to provide". Hope at that point was more than money and the sweetest thing he could have said was: "My son, I don't have money but you never know tomorrow. Let's be patient." These are the healing words.
I learnt so much from his perspective as a dad and a father. The good things he did I will do. The wrongs he committed have been a huge lesson for me. I have listened to fathers and daddies. I have watched some closely. And what I can conclude is this: parenting is different from parenthood. Parenting employs the art and science and skills of bringing up a child. Parenting takes a conscious step to know what works and what doesn't. I hope to be a parent one day. I hope to be a father that his kids will never stop calling "daddy."
Today, I miss my dad and I know he's found a lasting and peaceful rest in eternity.
Happy Father's Day or rather Happy Daddy's Day to those who deserve it.
In December, the Christmas tree and its accompanying accessories and ornaments are big business in Ghana and I suppose in other African countries. As a child with little self awareness and consciousness about my identity and culture, it was blissful, beautiful and pleasant to see my dad come home with a Christmas tree. 
